What Do Kids Really Think About Their Working Parents? Tune in Wed. 1pm to Learn

By Morra | Published: February 8, 2010

This Wednesday, February 10, 1 PM EST, join us on Talkshoe.com, as Ellen Galinsky, president of Families and Work Institute and author of Ask the Children and Mind in the Making, moderates a discussion with Lisa Belkin, New York Times writer and author of the Motherlode blog on nytimes.com, and clinical psychologist Joshua Coleman, author of The Marriage Makeover and The Lazy Husband, and co-chair of the Council on Contemporary Families. This program is part of a great blog talk radio series from Fem2.0.

When both mom and dad work, it can complicate parenting and marriage. We will talk about the impact of social pressures and media coverage on working couples and their children, what the research tells us, and what we can do to make things better for both kids and their working parents.

For more information on this and other work-life radio programs, click here.

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Posted in Child Development, Early childhood, Economy, FWI news, Families, Flexible work | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Don’t Seal Your Child’s Fate Based on a Kindergarten Test!

By Ellen Galinsky | Published: February 2, 2010

Cross posted from the Huffington Post:

If you haven’t read New York Magazine’s January 31, 2010 article on “The Junior Meritocracy,” read it right now. New York has done a stupendous job of summarizing the best research arguing that children’s fate should NOT be sealed by a test they take for Kindergarten admission at age four. Simply put, these tests do not provide a good indication of a child’s future.

Reading this article, made me think of Ed Zigler, the well-known developmental psychologist from Yale University whom I’ve heard say again and again that the ethical code of psychologists should be the same code as that of doctors: “first do no harm.” And yet, here is an instance where real harm is being done.

Not only are children unfairly being screened in and out of opportunities (the public or private school they attend) that will affect their lives, but increasing numbers of them are being tutored to take these tests. The effects of the kind of tutoring go beyond the impact of the tests–at worst, giving kids dosages of “drill and kill,” and “teaching to the test” that are too high.

And yet the horrible irony is that these tests and tutoring are not tapping into the “life skills” that have far more to do with children’s future than IQ tests. Jennifer Senior, the author of the New York story concludes her article by talking about Columbia University’s Walter Mischel’s marshmallow test–the experiment originally conducted in the 1960s where children were given a choice between one marshmallow now or two marshmallows if they could wait for fifteen minutes–because in following up on these children later in life, Mischel found that the children who could wait had higher SAT scores. Senior says:

Maybe our schools ought to be screening children for self-discipline and the ability to tolerate delayed gratification, rather than intelligence and academic achievement. It seems as good a predictor of future success as any.

Using the Marshmallow Test as a screening test (no matter how humorous the image) is obviously NOT the answer. I agree with Sam Meisels of the Erikson Institute who advocates in this article and elsewhere that schools need to get a more comprehensive view of young children over time in their classrooms.

I do think that part of the answer is for families and teachers to promote this and other life skills (such as making connections and helping children learn to take on challenges) in fun and playful ways–that is the conclusion I have drawn from eight years of interviewing more than 75 leading researchers on children’s learning and development for my forthcoming book, Mind in the Making. When we interviewed Walter Mischel, he said:

“The advantage for the young child who knows how to delay gratification is that they’re likely [to] be able to pursue academic and personal goals with less frustration, with less distraction.”

So what’s a parent to do? Right now, parents are caught in a catch 22. If they don’t get their children ready for the test, others will and their child may be a disadvantage.

Yes, we can and should promote life skills that matter, but we also have to deal with these tests. If there ever were a time for a parents’ movement, it is now. And if there ever were a just cause, this is among the best!

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Don’t lose the family in the headlines about the State of the Union

By Ellen Galinsky | Published: January 27, 2010

Cross-posted from Huffington Post:

In listening to the political commentators prepare for the State of the Union Address tonight, most of them are telling the President that he must reframe the discussion, have courage, and focus on jobs, jobs, jobs.

I think that the President is doing something quite courageous that SADLY may be missed in the media dissection of and public debate about the speech. If the messages being disseminated from the White House and from the Vice President’s Task Force on Middle Income Families in the past days are true, the President will not only be focusing on jobs, but he will be focusing on what it takes to help working families work—child care, assistance with college tuition, and elder care.

Over the past weeks, we have talked a lot about infrastructure, especially in the tragic aftermath of Haiti. Well, helping families cope with and pay for child care, college, and elder care are the infrastructures that makes work “work” or not, for millions of families. Yet, all too often these issues have been silent ones—issues that families have had to face alone.

In my memory of listening to Presidential debates, speeches, and State of the Union addresses, it is the first time that I have any evidence that the President has truly been listening to us about what it takes to work today.

He must have heard the agony of families everywhere that have to select child care that they know is bad for their children, simply because they can’t afford the cost of better care and they need a job. It was that agony that led me more than three decades ago to begin to work for better child care and despite all of the efforts of so many of us, much more needs to be done so that the 41% of the workforce with children don’t have to choose between jobs and children.

The President must have heard our agony over college tuition in a nation where only six in ten high school graduates enroll in college, despite the fact that we all know that education is necessary for economic security.

And he must have heard our agony over elder care, where—according to my organization’s 2008 nationally representative study, the National Study of the Changing Workforce—43% of the U.S. labor force has taken regular care of a person over 65 in the past five years, and 51% of us (men and women alike) expect to. I know that agony all too well when our family took care of my mother who died just five years ago next month.

While the President has listened, my huge hope is that the media will listen to us too. Please don’t lose the infrastructure issues of managing work and family when we talk about jobs and economic recovery. The First Lady has said that she would make work and family one of her priorities. In his speech tonight, the President is delivering on their family’s promise to our families.

Ellen Galinsky is President of the Families and Work Institute and author of the forthcoming, Mind in the Making.

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Posted in Economy, Eldercare, Families, Men/Fathers, Michelle Obama, Obama Administration, Policy, Women/Mothers, Work Life Integration, Workforce/Workplace | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Helping in the Face of Disaster

By Carol Bryce Buchanan | Published: January 25, 2010

On January 14th, Ellen Galinsky, President of Families and Work Institute, sent an email to Institute friends and colleagues asking them to tell us in a sentence or two what they or their organizations were doing to:
• send aid to Haiti;
• support Haitian American employees and their families in the US and in the Caribbean;
• support American and foreign aid organizations who are or will be working on the ground in Haiti, and about
• anything else they might be doing to help.

We have heard back from so many people with wonderful stories of support and care for Haitians, Haitian Americans and other concerned people, and have posted them on our website. We know from having gathered information in past times of national or international emergency that these stories serve as an important resource for hundreds of individuals and organizations trying to figure out their own strategies, and we are grateful to be able to share them with the public, the media and the work-life community.

Some of the moving, generous and very personal stories we have heard concern hospitals and health systems sending doctors, nurses and medical personnel, along with truck and boat loads of medical supplies. Yale New Haven Hospital packed up one truck load of supplies and shipped it to an airfield last week. The Hospital also organized a way for their employees to donate through a joint engagement with the local NAACP and the Community Foundation of Greater New Haven, as the secretary of the NAACP locally is one of the Hospital’s managers and is Haitian. The Hospital is also working with the clinical departments and the Yale School of Medicine to identify clinicians who will go to Haiti to provide services. A donor paid for a plane to take medical personnel from Mt. Sinai Hospital in NY this week. I know this because my son’s orthopedist, whom we saw this week post-surgery, was leaving to serve in Haiti the next day.

WNYC in New York broadcast an interview with Annie Nocenti, teacher at the Cine Institute, a film school for Haitian youth in the City of Jacmel. She spoke about the effect of the earthquake on the Cine students and the ways in which they are documenting the aftermath. To listen to Brian Lehrer’s interview with Annie, please click here.
To view the student videos, please click this link.

National Council for Research On Women (NCRW) and the Ms. Foundation for Women both suggested charities that will bring a gender-lens to the humanitarian response to the earthquake and attend to the needs of women, particularly pregnant women, infants and children, including:
• Partners in Health
• The Global Fund for Women
• Lambi Fund of Haiti
• UNIFEM (United Nations Development Fund for Women)
• CARE
• Madre

NCRW states that, according to Doctors without Borders, “Haiti has the grim distinction of having the highest maternal mortality rate in the western hemisphere.”

American Institute of Architects encouraged their membership (from their shared experiences following Hurricanes Katrina and Rita and the tsunami in Southeast Asia) to do what they could either as a volunteers preparing shipments of supplies or as generous contributors to organizations best able to provide the immediate assistance Haitians need in the aftermath of destruction. They have been in contact with colleagues at the US Green Building Council about sending a joint letter to United Nations Envoy to Haiti, former President Bill Clinton, offering their profession’s technical and professional expertise when the initiative begins focusing on rebuilding. They have also discussed ideas with Architecture for Humanity on how architects can provide on-the-ground design guidance in Haiti so local citizens can seek qualified counsel as they rebuild their homes, businesses and lives.

Ceridian and LifeCare are offering their customers free access to their telephonic counseling and bereavement support through special toll-free phone number, EAP services, guides and comprehensive online resource centers. This means that U.S. employees who may have family members or friends in Haiti have access to qualified and compassionate EAP and work-life consultants. Ceridian has translated materials on helping employees deal with stress, anxiety or grief into Haitian Creole.

The U.S. Department of Defense (DoD) recently selected Sittercity’s Corporate Program to help military families find in-home care (babysitters, nannies, eldercare providers, etc.) thereby supporting the families of service members that are deployed to help in the effort in Haiti. The DoD funded program provides all Army, Marine, Navy and Air Force families (including active duty, reserve and guard) with a paid membership to Sittercity through a custom built military portal where military families can access caregiver profiles (background checks, pictures, references, reviews).

Cardinal Health, AstraZeneca, Johnson & Johnson, Abbott, Baxter and Pfizer have all committed large sums of money towards initial humanitarian aid in response to the earthquake in Haiti and critical pharmaceutical and nutritional products to strengthen the ability of humanitarian aid organizations to respond to immediate health needs in Haiti.

The Children’s Museum of Manhattan is collaborating with colleagues at the Louisiana Children’s Museum about adapting their recovery project “Play Helps” for Haiti for the future, after rescue and clean up is well under way. CMOM adapted their learnings after 9/11 to a relief project in New Orleans after Katrina. It involves bringing creative play, primarily through the arts, to children and families who have suffered through a tragedy.

Housing Works, in collaboration with the Haiti-based AIDS organization PHAP+, is establishing a safe refuge in the town of St.-Marc, which is north of Port-au-Prince and outside of the earthquake zone. The refuge is specifically for Haitians living with HIV/AIDS. (In times of catastrophe, marginalized populations are often the last to get help.) The refuge will be used as a staging area to deliver supplies to PWA-led groups and provide medical care to people. They will also be establishing a tent city for displaced persons. Housing Works close relationship with the AIDS organization Fondation Esther B Stanislas, which is located in St.-Marc, should help them deliver relief effectively. Housing Works President and CEO Charles King left for Haiti with $30,000 worth of HIV medications and other supplies. A press release about Housing Works efforts can be found here. Charles King is also posting about his experience on their blog whenever he can. You can read his first post here.

JCB, a worldwide manufacturer of construction equipment in Savannah, Georgia, has donated backhoes to the rescue work.

There is an active credit union movement in Haiti made up of 175 credit unions serving more than 400,000 members. Credit Union National Association made its contribution on behalf of the American credit union movement to assist the Haitian movement to in turn help its members and its country endure this catastrophe.

Viacom announced that MTV and BET teamed up with George Clooney to present an on-air telethon on Friday, January 22nd to rally support and raise money for the relief efforts in Haiti.

Many in the WellStar Health System family have been affected by the tragic earthquake that struck Haiti. To support WellStar team members and the citizens of Haiti, they have activated an Emergency Response Team to provide:
• Grief counseling (provided by WellStar Behavioral Health)
• Pastoral Care services
• Coordination with relief agencies, including opportunities for individuals to volunteer in relief efforts and/or make monetary donations.

There are many other examples of contributions of all kinds. Please continue to send us information on what you and others you know are doing to assist those suffering in Haiti and encourage others to send aid. We are most grateful for your input. And again, please refer to the resources we have posted here.

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New Findings from the Kaiser Family Foundation Give “Joined at the Hip” New Meaning

By Ellen Galinsky | Published: January 20, 2010

The Kaiser Family Foundation has released its latest study today on the media use of young people, 8-18. Here are some of their headlines:

Over the past five years, there has been a large increase in media use among young people.

  • Five years ago, the Kaiser Family Foundation found that young people spend 6 1/2 hours a day with media—which totals 8 1/2 hours worth of media consumption because young people are multitasking.
  • Today, that amount has increased by an hour and seventeen minutes daily, from 6:21 to 7:38.

Use of every type of media has increased over the past 10 years, with the exception of reading.

An explosion in mobile and online media has fueled this increase in media use.

  • For example, total time spent playing video games increased by about 24 minutes over the past five years, and 20 minutes of that increase comes from cell phones, iPods and handheld video game players.

See http://www.kff.org/entmedia/upload/8010.pdf for the full report.

This study gives “joined at the hip” new meaning.

Kids seem to have perfected the skill of multitasking—but in our distracting culture, there are other skills they need to perfect.

Ten, even five years ago, we didn’t think of “teaching” the life skill of “focus” to our children, but now I see it as an essential skill and a skill that must be taught.

What are you doing to promote focus in your children, to limit the use of media, and to use media constructively?

For example, one of my friends now does not allow her children to bring cell phones to the dinner table.

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Homemade Playdough and other snow-day projects

By Morra | Published: January 18, 2010

Here in Boston it’s a snowy, cold day and we’re inside. On a day like today you need an activity that engages kids and the grown-ups. A project to stick with for a little while, no pun intended. A friend suggested the toddler and I make homemade play-dough today. So I asked for recipes on Facebook and here is my favorite:

3 c. salt
3/4 c. vegetable oil
4 Tbsp Cream of Tartar
6 c. water – add food coloring of your choice…
Cook all ingredients over medium heat until thick, about 2 minutes. Stir constantly to avoid burning.

1/6 of this recipe is enough for 1 child. Store playdough in an air-tight container.

Also, another friend suggested adding food flavoring extracts to make the dough smell yummy- like vanilla or almond. Yum!

Lois Backon of Families and Work Institute suggests we also, “Clean out your kitchen cabinets of pots and pans and let him sort and bang and make music, while he learns the names of them.”

What are your snow-day learning activities that both kids and adults can enjoy?

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Posted in Early childhood, Families, Mind in the Making | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

A Tale of Two Worlds: High School and B-School

By Ellen Galinsky | Published: January 15, 2010

From the Huffington Post today:

I’ve spent the past eight years immersed in the science of early learning, working with researchers from the world’s great universities. We have distilled this science into seven essential life skills you can teach your children (not typical academic achievement-oriented skills. Real life skills). The result of this journey is Mind in the Making, a book, awareness campaign, and teaching approach to early learning. The best thing about these skills is that you can apply them to your daily life, no matter how old you are. Each week, I’ll share with you real-life examples of these skills at play, and I encourage you to share your observations with me on Twitter (@ellengalinsky). Here is my first story:

World One:
Picture this: a group of young people from Youth Onstage have created and are performing a play called Work, Play & You–A Love/Hate Triangle at New York City’s Castillo Theater:

Here is one of the first scenes called “Security Check:”
Some of the young people in the cast play security guards; others play students waiting to be checked into their school building. They have obviously created this scene from their own experiences attending inner city schools. Because the scene is so powerful, I will share it with you from the play’s script:
Guard 1: Come on, come on. If you were any slower, you’d be going backwards.
Guard 2: Take that hat off. And get those rainbows out of your pockets.
Student: Hey, man I got the right to have rainbows in my pockets.
Guard 3: Don’t give us no attitude. Empty ‘em. Now!
(Student 1 empties his pockets and exits.)
(Second student comes through.)
Guard 2: Wait a minute. Is that glitter?
Student 2: (holding up the bag) Yes, it is–this backpack is sprinkled with happiness.
Guard 2: Go back outside and clean it off.
(Student 2 goes back out.)
(Third student comes through smiling.)
Guard 2: Discard that smile.
(Student has a hard time getting rid of her smile.)
Guard 2: Do you want it ripped off your face?
(She stops smiling and is waved in. Fourth student comes through.)
Guard 1: Wait, wait, do you see what I see in that bag?
(Guards 2 and 3 look.)
Guard 3: Yes, it’s definitely a glimmer of hope.
Guard 2: (opening bag, taking the hope out) We’ll keep that. If it’s still alive at the end of the semester, you can have it back.
Student 4: Please officer, I need that hope. It won’t hurt anyone.
Guard 2: Hope has no place in school. Get to class.
(Student 4 exits. Fifth student come in looking very sad.)
Guard 1: She looks depressed enough for school.
Guard 2: Yeah, she’s fine, let her through.
(Student 2 returns.)
Guard 1: Her bag’s clean now.
Guard 2: Yeah, but she’s a troublemaker. Scan her.
Guard 3: Okay, assume the position. Spread ‘em, spread em.
(Student 2 holds her arms out and spreads her legs. Guard 3 scans her. Looks in student’s hair.)
Guard 3: Wow! There’s dreams in her weave.
Guard 1: You’ve got some attitude problem, girl. Go home and wash those dreams out of your hair. Don’t come back until they’re gone.
Guard 2: I don’t know what’s wrong with kids these days.
(Sixth student enters.)
Guard 1: This bag has set off every alarm.
Guard 2: Open it up.
(Sixth student takes things out of bag.)
Guard 1: Self respect? You know that’s against the rules here.
Guard 2: Songs? Creativity is banned.
Guard 3: Imagination!
(The Security Guards are shocked.)
Student 6: I need my imagination.
Guard 1: Not here you don’t.
Guard 3: This one’s a real criminal.
All Three Guards: You’re expelled!

As this powerful play, directed by Dan Friedman, continues, there is scene after scene where a character named Work and a character named Play compete for “everyman.” As one of the actors says in the beginning of the play: “When you go to school, you’re forced to leave play at home or on the street or wherever. They just don’t want it in the classroom.”

World Two
I saw this play on Sunday January the 10th, and following the play served as one of the discussants for a conversation with the audience and the cast. Then I went home and turned to the most serious of serious sections of the Sunday New York Times, the business section.

And there I read a front page article by Lane Wallace, entitled, “Multicultural Critical Theory. At B-School? The point of this article is that business school students need to learn the essential skills of critical thinking and perspective taking. As the article says, students need “to learn how to approach problems from many perspectives and to combine various approaches to find innovative solutions.”

Lest you think that this is only a radical idea, it is being implemented at such august B-Schools as Harvard and Stanford and the C.E.O. of the Association to Advance Collegiate Schools of Business, John J. Fernandes, estimates that while about 25 percent of association-accredited schools are changing their curriculum to develop more sustainable leaders now, he expects that figure to reach 75 percent in 10 years.

B-Schools are making these changes because they lead to better results–future business leaders who can possibly make better decisions.

So it was a day of two worlds–the world of high school education where students have to leave their best selves at the door and the world of business schools, where some of the leading institutions are revising their programs to help students obtain important life skills.

Read more here

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“The House of Work Is a Tear-Down”

By Morra | Published: January 14, 2010

Arresting title, and absolutely thought-provoking post from Chrysula Winegar here:

“Adjusting for both factors (of access to better childcare and equal pay for the same work), I still will not be enticed back into full time work right now. Possibly not ever. I simply do not want to be away from my children for all those hours a week, as much as some days I wish I were anywhere else! And I don’t want the drama of answering to some corporate entity, justifying my choices or how I use my time.

This is what I hear day in day out from mothers and a few fathers around me. “I have a good brain. I want to work! For money, not just hugs. I want real, meaty, substantive, appropriately rewarded part-time work for this season of my life.”

I refuse to believe it’s too much to ask for. I refuse to believe organizations can’t change. I will agitate, champion and strongly urge in every way I can for flexible work options that are not career damaging or discriminatory for future progress.”

Chrysula, your point is a powerful one, and it’s hard to deny the appeal of forging your own path, as Mama Bee writes: ““I am not buying that the only path to the corner office is to do it the traditional male way… mothers are different from fathers and parents/caregivers are different from unattached workers and an intelligent workplace understands and offers strategies that grow with life changes. If they don’t, then the talent drain gets large enough and smart companies will (and are) shift their models in fundamental ways. Or misguidedly, they won’t. In which case, what’s wrong with an economy of home-based entrepreneurs calling their own shots and running their own shows? It’s a different kind of power. But it’s still power.”

Smart companies are shifting- please visit our When Work Works Guide for award-winning companies who get it. We have to work hard so more and more companies get it.

But Chrysula’s post raises a larger question I struggle with daily, and I welcome feedback here. I’m one of those people who think that our society is still reeling from the impact of Carol Gilligan’s work, especially in the workplace. Dumbing it way down, Gilligan and the psychology of gender difference basically argues that women, relational creatures that we are, want to live and work differently from men. I really recommend Rivers and Barnett’s Same Difference for a powerful argument on the downside of the difference argument. This is something they’re facing in the UK right now: if we assume on a deep cultural and social level that women want to work differently from men, how can we not deny women certain opportunities? It’s not right, but I fear it is. The argument to change the very systems and structure of work has to be de-gendered.

My husband feels the same way about work as I do. He’d like a life too. How many millions of husbands would agree?


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Why Did Alec Baldwin Want to Return to Meryl Streep?

By Morra | Published: January 12, 2010

We loved this Huffington Post piece from Sharon Meers, co-author of Getting to 50-50. Sharon asks, “Why does Alec Baldwin fall back in love with ex-wife, Meryl Streep, in the new movie “It’s Complicated?” All the problems (AKA, three kids) are now gone, she’s no longer stressed out — and that’s very sexy. It turns out you can have a much simpler life — and a much better husband than the cad Baldwin plays — and still have the sense that parenthood is messing up your marriage.” Sharon explains how to work towards a more equal partnership with these tips:

Interviewing parents for our book, Getting to 50/50, we find that people have two gut reactions to the idea of men and women as equally engaged parents. Either “that’s obvious — why would you do it any other way?” or “that’s impossible.” Our view is that it’s neither a slam-dunk nor a pipe dream — what’s required is some easy steps that anyone can take. The hard part: repeating those steps over and over for years.

Here are a few tips from the many we heard from the hundreds of couples we talked to:

Let go. Jamie, is a former NFL player and business executive. When he retired to spend more time with their children, Jamie’s wife Sara would call him from the office with lists of things she wanted him to do — he had to push back and say, “I have my own way I do things.”

“Having the right mindset is really important. A lot of women say ‘Well, my husband helps’ What does that mean ‘help?’ … If we tell men they have to do it our way or correct them all the time that’s not going to work,” said Sara. When mothers truly let dads cast half the votes at home — when we are willing to imagine that male methods in home life might be as valid as female ones — families win a lot. In Sara’s case, her willingness to let go gave her kids two highly engaged parents — it allowed her to pursue jobs she loved (and become a CEO).

By any means necessary. Many couples told us how they threw out the rules of “what’s normal” and proudly invented wild new ways of sharing parenthood. An ambulance nurse described the gymnastics required for her to breastfeed despite a very short maternity leave. When she returned to active duty, they guys on her EMT team gave her some privacy in the back of the ambulance to pump, and made pitstops at her home so her husband could run out and get the milk supply for the evening.

Other husbands and wives pointed out how much easier it is to make your work schedule fit family when both parents have skin in the flexibility game — when both mom AND dad feel responsible for kids (and even if they work for largely inflexible employers). A journalist at a big paper was married to a technology entrepreneur — she asked to work the graveyard shift so she could spend her days with their infant. And her husband got home from work and served as evening parent. Another couple — both teachers at the same school — went to their principal and asked for staggered schedules. Until their children went to preschool, they traded shifts literally handing off the kids in the hallway at school (where they still work over a decade later).

Telepathy is over-rated — ask for what you need. “It has been a big part of my personal development to ask for help,” says Mary, a lawyer, about her husband Craig (an investment banker when their kids were born). “I used to wonder ‘Is he going to notice that I need help?’ What I’ve learned is, no, he’s not going to notice. I just have to ask.”

In my own case, it wasn’t clear to me that my husband, Steve, sensed all challenges I’d face when I returned to work — the skepticism working moms often see in the eyes of their colleagues and the need to prove you really are still as good at your job. I told Steve I needed him to take a paternity leave after I returned to work so I could have a clear head and know our son was going to be fine. Steve said “no” — he was starting his own company. But what we got from those conversations was a clear understanding that I was very nervous and that I needed air cover. Steve came up with an alternate plan and said “how about you just pretend I’m on leave — I’ll be the one to get up at night, be in charge of all the doctors visits, childcare disruptions — you just get back in the game.”

Be open-minded. Fifty-fifty, men and women equal sharing the ups and downs career and family, does not require a calculator or spreadsheet. It’s simply a way of looking at the world that says men need their kids as much as women do — and moms need their jobs as much as men do. The parenting work load can be split 60/40 or 90/10 for a while — but not so long it throws either parent permanently off course. So being flexible day to day is really important. Grace, a partner at an ad firm, talked about how she and her husband Jerry managed getting up at night with their babies. “One night we heard our daughter crying, and I rolled over and said ‘hey, I’m pitching to the CEO of Sony tomorrow morning,” said Grace. Jerry replied “Yeah, well I’m doing brain surgery at 9AM.” Grace got out of bed.

Talking with parents around the country, we continue to hear the wonderfully inventive ways we are making things work: One parent becoming Tsar-for-the-year of some parenting fiefdom — birthday parties or family dinner, or dentist appointments. Family meetings where kids learn what it takes to run a family — and kindergarteners volunteer to pack their own lunches and plan dinner (caveat: “pasta” may come to cover all four food groups). Moms who never nag — one just bought a kitchen whiteboard where she wrote the myriad things that needed doing (“fix bathroom lights,” “call plumber,” “get garbage bags”) with no judgment or expectation about who was going to do them — and found her husband was happy to silently pick things off the list and cross them off.

But perhaps the best tips of all came from a TV writer who told us about Baby Boot Camp — a program any couple can put themselves on whether they have a new born or a six year old — to get dads fully into the parenting act (and yank mom off stage).

1. Leave Dad alone with your child. Lots of research says men do their part at home when women get out of the way. So many of us have been raised to doubt male competence with kids (“men can’t multitask,” “they aren’t intuitive”) — but psychologists have long shown that men, left to their own devices, match women as caregivers. The easiest way to jump start the process is for moms to exit — go out for a walk, movie or visit your sister for a weekend. (Note: Moms can’t leave directives or proxies — no cheating with mother-in-laws or sitters).

2. Start small. If it’s too much to imagine leaving the house, just go to another room and shut the door firmly for as many hours as you can handle. One mom told us her husband was traveling during the week but agreed to cover Friday nights. So at six PM , he’d walk in the door, she’d hand of the baby, take dinner in her room, read and get some sleep until 10 AM on Saturday — dad slept in the guest room next to their infant. And both parents got up the next day feeling they’d accomplished something.

3. Never to late to enroll. While boot camp is most useful the earlier you can start, it’s open to parents of any vintage. Couples told us how a dad stepped in — took time off between jobs, when a mom’s parents were ill — and were amazed to find how good they were at the job. “I called my husband from across the country and he was crying,” the wife of a busy lawyer told us. “He said ‘I didn’t know I could do this job. I thought the kids wouldn’t respond to me like they do to you.’” Other dads told us the pride they felt when, after putting mom on leave, their kids ran to them — rather than their wives — when they fell and scraped their knees.”

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Surgeon General “struggles” with her weight

By Morra | Published: January 11, 2010

The US Surgeon General, Dr. Regina Benjamin said this morning on Good Morning America, “I’m just like 67% of Americans- I struggle with my weight, just like them.” During the confirmation process this past summer, Benjamin came under fire and many accused her of being “too fat to be Surgeon General.” But from her interview this morning, it’s clear that Benjamin sees her very personal weight struggle as a connection with the 300 million Americans whose health she is responsible for. If she is our national health leader, then she can work with us to get healthier.

But as a nation, we are divided about how much we want to be led down the path to wellness, especially when it is health insurance companies leading us. An article on the same web page as the piece on Benjamin cites current protests over a wellness incentive in the Senate health care reform bill. Health and disability advocacy groups protest the inclusion of wellness incentives in the Senate bill:

Dozens of health, justice, and disability organizations have signed a letter urging senators to remove a provision in the health care reform bill that would allow insurers to provide reimbursements or incentives to workers who meet certain fitness goals laid out in workplace wellness programs.

In rewarding healthy people for making good choices, those who don’t meet fitness goals would be unfairly penalized, the groups said.

“It’s indistinguishable from medical underwriting,” Sue Nelson, vice president for federal advocacy of the American Heart Association (AHA), told reporters during a Thursday call.

And yet corporate-sponsored employee wellness incentives grow each year, quoting from an AP article on the New York Times‘ Well blog today,

Last year, 93 percent of companies with more than 200 employees offered at least one wellness program along with regular health benefits, according to a survey by the Kaiser Family Foundation and the Health Research and Educational Trust. That’s up from 88 percent in 2008.

Certainly, American employees are not getting healthier. Indeed, 2008 FWI data find nearly half of U.S. employees (49%) have not engaged in regular physical exercise in the last 30 days, including 22% not engaging in any rigorous physical exercise. And despite a push to stop smoking at the workplace, one in four smokes.

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